Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
