this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize