I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
