So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
