CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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