They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
