Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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