hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize