just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
