you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
