she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
