I have demons in me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this just has baby written all over it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
