ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
