so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
