Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
