I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just cropdusted the office
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
