Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize