I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
