I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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