i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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