I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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