The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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