We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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