It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize