Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
