dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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