i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
should my penis look like a turkey
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
