My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
