don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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