Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
