There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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