Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
