My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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