I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
