Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
