masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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