my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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