Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
