I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im about as happy as oj after his trial
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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