happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
