Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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