Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
