READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
