I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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