I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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