My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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