I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
