I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
