hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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