please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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