I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize