That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
