My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
