sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
