Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
