I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
