I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
