She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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