Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
