I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
