The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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