He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
