I looked at my own cervix.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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