so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
