i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
