Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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