I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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