I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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