There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
