I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
