New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
