If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
