drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
