God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
40s are totally the cure
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
