how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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