butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and she was petting her beer can
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
