I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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