physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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