You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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