I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
