$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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