I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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