my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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