I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
