Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
