Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
