apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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