You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
