I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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