You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
