I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
