My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
