First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
