dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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